rabbit trails

lately, the theme of my life seems to be trying to hear God and then looking for that peaceful feeling in my stomach that allows me to choose a path and stick to it.

today, i was reminded of this same theme as i read a psalm, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.'"

today is my first day starting a new job in college station for a furniture company. in this position i will be the social media and blogging assistant/overseerer/person. i'm excited about this unconventional approach to the job i thought i would have at this point. hoping beyond hope that this is the correct path for me.

i'm getting to the place in life that i don't just want to survive and provide for myself and dean doing the best job i can find. i long to hear Jesus tell me the best pathway for my life, and in choosing so go on the grandest most fulfilling adventure that could quite possibly only provide beans, rice, and thrift clothing for a season.

either way. rich, poor, or somewhere in-between, i am grateful and blessed. and i'm trying to listen to see if i 100% heard correctly.

if anyone has any experiences of how they have heard God in the past, or advice on how to listen, i'm all ears!

thanks for reading, and happy last monday in october.

life without gravity

i found myself sitting on my parent's front porch today. i was kissed by a cool breeze that blew in during the early morning, painting the sky with brilliant blue clouds and perfect light rain drops. today, this is not where i hoped i would be.

not because i don't wish i could be close to my family and spend time with them (duh); this is a season i have been thankful for. but because life isn't the way i pictured it would be and i'm kicking myself over it. i know i haven't touched this blog in some time but my heart feels a tremendous desire to be real. to live authentic in a world coated in filters, perfect moments, and great angles.

my discouragement stems from what seems to be an endless job search in college station as i attempt to live and earn enough money to survive in a place that isn't hours away from Dean. it's almost humorous how many jobs i've applied for, how few interviews i have had, and how even those didn't pan out. but this isn't about me grumbling. i want to declare that even when i make plans, and they don't go the way i wish more than anything that they would, i can be brave because there is a greater purpose than my comfort.

multiple people have told me over the course of this week that, seeing how hard my attempts at getting a job have been, God must have something special in store and that he wants to place me in the perfect place. it's an interesting thought that i know is spot on because it keeps coming up.

to be steady in a world where there is no stability. to continue on in a dark tunnel, knowing that there will be a light at the end of it. whatever the struggle, i know my God is faithful and will keep me in all seasons.

"For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing."

i just wanted to be another voice today. but this one being honest and saying my life isn't perfect. being engaged isn't that magic moment that sets the world straight but that in all seasons there is enough wiggle room to choose joy and walk in peace. that's where i'm shifting my prospective today.

another blogger at another coffee shop

normally the reason i stop blogging is because i've waited so long between posts.... is anyone else like that out there? it could be keeping up with anything: journaling, tv series, working out, eating right, cleaning your room, relationships, etc.

i think that i start to take on false ideals that i'm just not a writer because i haven't written... haha that is actually a pretty good argument but definitely not the point i'm trying to make.

words.

as a case manager at an adoption agency all i do is write. write. read. sign paperwork. and write some more. after a week of this work the last thing i feel like doing is sitting in front of my macbook typing. this makes me want to purge myself of all things electronic and writing.

i day dream all week of spending every ounce of free time i have rolling in the grass and building mud pies and playing in the sun. away from a desk, away from a scanner, away from a keyboard.

office.junkies.in.their.once.native.habitat

alas, writing for myself again. i'm going to do it. i'm promising myself that i will go back to that quiet place and write the story that's been on my heart for so long.

the point.

the desires of our hearts (though clouded by to do lists, age, crying children, paying the bills, and jobs that don't pay overtime) are still waiting to burst through the emails, phone calls, and the must-does to take their rightful place in our lives.

divinely placed desires are meant to change the world. the dreams and desires you carry are simply that. yours.

don't change. don't stop listening to what you want to do because chances are, the very thing you want to do will change the world you live in.

monday's lesson

i'm sitting on my couch after a long rainy day. the kind of day you would rather curl up in bed, read a book, make soup, and watch a movie.

lately what's been on my heart is being content in the season i'm in and being 100% present in my day to day.
as you can imagine, being in love with your best friend at a distance and wanting to be by his side 24/7 is a bit conflicting to finding contentment in the present.

i feel like my brain has been so busy, always planning on my next step, how to get by, and at the height of that, how to put Jesus and people above me so i can serve.

tonight, elise, alice, and i did nothing but sit around and be VERY silly women. the depth of friendship i have with them is the most beautiful spiritual untouchable thing i can think of. i'm so grateful for the strength, support, love, and fun they bring to my life.

before things got crazy alice read this verse to us, "Remember this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously," 2 Corinthians 9:6

in the business of my days i often forget how much sowing i'm doing. it's not easy, but in time i'll begin to catch the  masterpiece jesus is weaving in my heat. sowing into what seems to be rock hard ground isn't impossible if you will just remain consistent and work out of jesus' strength. it won't be easy, but it's worth the harvest.

three things that don't mix

i'm still cooling off from a blistering evening texas summer run.

three things that don't mix but are super wonderful: three miles + vegetable soup + 103 degrees = one hot sturdy girl.

tonight miss abby and i bonded over our run and vegetable adventure. i'm so thankful for my roommates. abby is one of the most inspirational people i know. her heart for jesus is wonderful, and her determined spirit and wisdom always give me something to look up to. this girl is going to high places fast! (seriously, it was impossible to keep up with her tonight).

the vegetable soup was inspired by my brother john's garden. (and a pretty shallow pocket). we've been stock piled with large zucchini, bright squash, and the sweetest tomatoes you've ever had. since he is in ukraine for the summer, we get to eat his share! (and let's be real, young men eat a lot).

so, if you too are a penny-pinching-summer-soup-eating girl such as my self, here's a recipe that was pretty yummy. :)

grab a pot and some cans of vegetable broth

pick your favorite veggies

chop 'em up

saute an onion and garlic in some olive oil

add the broth and veggies

cover the veggies with water

add black beans and rice

heat and season to taste (salt, pepper, basil, dash of sugar, sriracha, paprika, soy sauce)

and voila!

enjoy and don't be afraid to get out there in the heat, it's good for you!

summer 2013 and the pursuit of purpose

though my blogs may have been slow in coming life has definitely not! i have changed careers, went a month without being able to talk to my sweet heart as he went through officer training, watched a roommate get engaged, had a "little" sister graduate, and spent countless evenings with beautiful family and friends.

Jesus continues  to help me grow as he enables my feet to be like that of a deer, able to tread upon the rockiest and highest mountains. writing a work that will enable holy spirit to move and transform my reader's minds is my dream. i simply want to be a vessel. 

when i was given the wonderful opportunity to work at the children's home on a beautiful central texas ranch i knew that this was going to be the most challenging experience i had yet to have but it would also be the most rewarding. there isn't one admirable person i can think of who didn't take a chance and dare to experience his or her dreams. i want to write about hope, identity, redemption, and purpose... but how can i unless i understand those things first hand?

in my absence the last couple of months i was busy changing my life from the ordinary to extraordinary. ready to set my comfortable routine aside to spend some time with some awesome kids and help them know what it's like to be truly loved. 

this status update on facebook the other day really spoke to me

"Sometimes we make things too complicated when we really need to remember that the kingdom belongs to the children," -Heidi Baker

Heidi Baker isn't changing the world by living the american dream, she's walking in obedience and loving whoever is in front of her. jesus calls us to love. so love i will. don't be afraid to pursue your dreams, chances are that they were placed in your heart for a purpose.

a gift from the people of starbucks... so much more than a drink...

i believe that God is in such sweet relationship with his children. He doesn't miss an opportunity when we're weary and dry and broken to take the mundane and make it draw our eyes back to Him. it's when we lose focus of him that we begin to compare our image with that of the world....

i lost my debit card today in the car. i had gotten gas, and as i waited i cleaned the weeks-worth-of-driving-to-atx bug graveyard off my windshield. RIP. 

but instead of putting my debit card back into my wallet, i tucked it into the belt around my waist. well, i didn't remember this until i pulled up to the payment window at star bucks. i was so embarrassed. i told the kind barista that i needed to pull up and look for my card. she said, "don't even worry about it, this one is on the house." 

*cry* how can a simple act of kindness from a normal hard working person change your perspective on life in a single moment? i have no idea. it must be a spiritual thing. i ended up finding my card wedged between my seat and door. i rushed into pay and she said, "it's a gift, don't even worry about it." 

needless to say i drove the rest of the way to work thanking God for sweet moments where he blesses me through his glorious creation. it reminded me to extend grace to others as well. it doesn't matter if you're a barista or a congressman, you make a difference every day by the way you treat others. treat them as the reflection of God that they are.