i found myself sitting on my parent's front porch today. i was kissed by a cool breeze that blew in during the early morning, painting the sky with brilliant blue clouds and perfect light rain drops. today, this is not where i hoped i would be.
not because i don't wish i could be close to my family and spend time with them (duh); this is a season i have been thankful for. but because life isn't the way i pictured it would be and i'm kicking myself over it. i know i haven't touched this blog in some time but my heart feels a tremendous desire to be real. to live authentic in a world coated in filters, perfect moments, and great angles.
my discouragement stems from what seems to be an endless job search in college station as i attempt to live and earn enough money to survive in a place that isn't hours away from Dean. it's almost humorous how many jobs i've applied for, how few interviews i have had, and how even those didn't pan out. but this isn't about me grumbling. i want to declare that even when i make plans, and they don't go the way i wish more than anything that they would, i can be brave because there is a greater purpose than my comfort.
multiple people have told me over the course of this week that, seeing how hard my attempts at getting a job have been, God must have something special in store and that he wants to place me in the perfect place. it's an interesting thought that i know is spot on because it keeps coming up.
to be steady in a world where there is no stability. to continue on in a dark tunnel, knowing that there will be a light at the end of it. whatever the struggle, i know my God is faithful and will keep me in all seasons.
"For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing."
i just wanted to be another voice today. but this one being honest and saying my life isn't perfect. being engaged isn't that magic moment that sets the world straight but that in all seasons there is enough wiggle room to choose joy and walk in peace. that's where i'm shifting my prospective today.
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