...i blogged

i'm an english major. emphasis in creative writing. i have no idea why i have to force myself to blog.
tonight is different. because i literally have nothing else to do.

it's the first day of class for those still in school. even if my roommates hadn't been students i still would have been well aware that this was the first day of class because both HEB parking lots were full and every basket no where to be found. guess who's back in in town?

if you're wondering why small grocery stores disappear it's probably because they don't carry Tazo tea or organic roasted red pepper tomato soup for people like me. and we all have our bad days. if you can't cater to people's bad days you might as well not be in business. -_- that's a joke. you probably weren't wondering anyway.

after fighting crowds full of neon shirts, leggings, freshmen in suits, and fratastic seniors in sperrys, i'm embracing the solace of my monday night. because monday nights don't reject sweat pants, soup, and sore throats.

i was creeping a middle age woman, and who i assume was her son, in austin traffic today. i was watching their expressions as they spoke and eventually broke into laughter. and it reminded me of something that's been on my heart. whether you're in the dusty middle east or in the capital of texas, it's people and love that matter. and laughing... laughing is essential.

wherever you are during this cold january night, i hope you do one thing that makes you happy, or makes someone else happy. that's the kind of love that makes the world go round.

and if you're wondering what i did. i blogged. :)

Wrinkles cover my blouse. I don’t own an iron. Sometimes my straighter will suffice… at least for super important events, like weddings and funerals. I can never sleep in on the weekends. 

But my body rejects the alarm that buzzes through my iphone dock during the week... a mystery I will never understand. 

Six a.m. traffic lights look like Christmas if you squint your eyes just right. You can also make interesting designs out of hideous office carpets. I’ll generalize all office carpet as hideous until I’m proven otherwise.

The magic moment where I’m tucked in the crook of your arm, my toes are warm under your thigh, and my curls bounce on your chest because of your laughter…. that moment is the one I look forward to as I write this.

My siblings. So sweet. Adulthood pulls me away from them. Calling me to forget the games we once played, but I’ll always fight back; because if it wasn't for the grace that pours over families, life wouldn't be anything. I’ll fight for your toothless smile, your dress-up chest, and Lego set. Before sleep falls, I remember your constant need for my arm, and I’ll put a pillow in place of where your memory lays.

It’s hard to keep up with nail polish. I know this is a first-world problem. But in the words of a wise Dr., "a problem is a problem, no matter how small." (or something like that). You would think that someone would figure out a better formula for nail polish. It’s only a thought. I try not to dwell on thoughts like these very often. These thoughts are most definitely a waste of time.  

Fall: the first reminder that we don’t live in a bubble oppressed by heat. It’s as if the rush of heaven falls from the sky. It makes me want to dance. And sometimes I find myself smelling the air. I think my dog thinks I finally understand what this smelling thing is all about. Maybe I do.

Simple joys. peppermint syrup. scrapbooks. warmth from your body. chalk. honey suckles. fire place. christmas boxes. cookies. hot tea at work. giving. serving. taking a walk with Jesus.     

Wrinkles cover my blouse. I don’t own an iron. Sometimes my straighter will suffice… at least for super important events, like weddings and funerals. I can never sleep in on the weekends. But my body rejects the alarm that buzzes through my iphone dock.

Six a.m. traffic lights look like Christmas if you squint your eyes just right. You can also make interesting designs out of hideous office carpets. I’ll generalize all office carpet as hideous until I’m proven otherwise.

The magic moment where I’m tucked in the crook of your arm, my toes are warm under your thigh, and my curls bounce on your chest because of your laughter…. that moment is the one I look forward to as I write this.

My siblings. So sweet. Adulthood pulls me away from them. Calling me to forget the games we once played, but I’ll always fight back; because if it wasn’t for the grace that pours over families, life wouldn’t be anything. I’ll fight for your toothless smile, your dress-up chest, and Lego set. Before sleep falls, I remember your constant need for my arm, and I’ll put a pillow in place of where your memory lays.

It’s hard to keep up with nail polish. I know this is a first-world problem. But in the words of a wise Dr., a problem is a problem, no matter how small. (or something like that). You would think that someone would figure out a better formula for nail polish. It’s only a thought. I try not to dwell on thoughts like these very often.

Fall: the first reminder that we don’t live in a bubble oppressed by heat. It’s as if heaven falls from the sky. It makes me want to dance. And sometimes I find myself smelling the air. I think my dog thinks I finally understand what this smelling thing is all about. Maybe I do.

Simple joys. peppermint syrup. scrapbooks. warmth from your body. chalk. honey suckles. fire place. christmas boxes. cookies. hot tea at work. giving. serving. taking a walk with Jesus.     

awake my soul

this morning is so beautiful that i didn't even take the time to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. sun room, cloudy morning, rope lights, earl gray tea, sweet roomie company, and a keyboard have captured my heart. i think my soul may be swept away with the cool breeze flowing through the open window.

the shift from summer to fall is always the most refreshing time of the year to me. after the oppressing texas heat, there is nothing like the first cool front that blows away the intensity of three-digit weather. it's as if i forget the summer ever happened. 

thinking about the change in the weather allows me to think back about the changes that took place in me over the summer. on the flip side, just as the intense summer heat has vanished by cold air, i find it hard to believe it even happened. 

i think it's safe to say that there was pre-summer bethany, who is drastically different than post-summer bethany. there is only time to be real, so allow me to clear my throat and begin. Jesus began to show me his heart in june 2011. i began to question where i was going and who i was going with. Jesus took me on a whirlwind journey of learning who i am, how to love people like he does, lead, finish school, fall out of romantic love, and develop a stronger sense of my foundation in him. Jesus gives me peace, and no one can strip me of that. my journey from june 2011 to the beginning of this past summer prepared me for what was to come. heartbreak was inevitable, because we're not meant to have to stop loving. freedom was surely to come, because Jesus is always the same, never leaving my side and teaching me to love how he loves. i was surrounded by friends who poured their hearts into me when mine was empty. i left my college abode to room with three of the most precious people i know in the most precious house i've lived in. i learned to forgive the people closest to me. i trusted the holy spirit to show up. (he did of course!) and i started my career. change is such a familiar word to me. i've traded in the days of text books, essays, homework, and exams for a new job in austin, tx. but what i didn't trade was my desire to remain teachable....  

i'm reminded of how blessed i am every morning i wake up because even when i left everything i knew... Jesus cared for me. and i'm complete in him. even though the memories i have will forever be in my heart and have shaped the person i am today, i know i'm not limited to them. i will continue to grow in deeper, richer, more fertile soil because Jesus is fun! every day we learn something new, and we change... embrace that change... it will bring you to that moment that i'm basking in right now... looking forward, keeping my eyes on Jesus, i rejoice.     

this little heart of mine... i'm gonna' let it shine

Blogging is one of those things I always said I would do but never did. So, that's why I'm starting this. Because Drake was right, you really do only live once. It's easy to get caught in a cycle of doubt, constantly saying that one day I'll be better... good enough to achieve these dreams that are not quite tangible... but I'm over those thoughts!

Man, I really love Jesus! His Holy Spirit is teaching me so much about who I am. If I always wait on becoming a more complete person to pursue my dreams I will never even start trying to reach for them. I am all He says I am! So before I hop in the shower and climb into bed, I just want to say that if you know Jesus... you're all he says you are too. :) He's a confident God, and he dwells within me, therefore I can boldly grab my intangible dreams and make them come to life. 

I haven't found my voice for this blog yet, but I know it's in this little heart of mine... I'll let it shine soon... until then, I'm not going to doubt my capability to write, even if it starts a little rocky. 

Goodnight! 

Here it is. My first blog post. It may not be magical but it's a start.
There have been more than a few moments after graduation where I doubted my capability as a writer, dreamer, and I guess an over-all doer. Closing the door on those thoughts, here I am in the quite of this moment, typing and exploring these over-complicated blog sites. (could Google really ever fail?)
So yeah, this is my start. It's 12:02 a.m. I'm exhausted. and I'm going to go to sleep. Thanks for reading this first post. It wasn't pointless. I needed a start.
Glory!